There's Just No Gettin' Around It...Dinosaurs Are COOL!

Cool...but I'm still glad they're gone.

It's unlikely that international visitors to Western Canada would miss an opportunity to visit what is likely the Mecca of the dinosaur world; the Royal Tyrrell Museum. We first visited the museum in 1986 shortly after it opened. Back then it wasn't “Royal” yet, but it was still very impressive. Since we wanted to give the museum a chance to a add something new before we visited again, we hung on for about 30 years until we went back for another look, Sure enough, it was MUCH better this time, and worthy of the addition of the Royal appellation to the name.

The Royal Tyrrell Museum nestled in the badlands of Southern Alberta.

Travelers that find themselves anywhere in the vicinity of the town of Drumheller in the "badlands" of Southern Alberta would find it well worth their time to keep about 3 or 4 hours free for a trip back in time...way back. Admission is only $18 for adults, which would barely get you a burger and fries in a sit-down restaurant these days, and I guarantee you'll remember your day at Tyrrell long after you've forgotten a good burger.

Dramatic diorama-style staging of the first gallery gets you in the mood to learn more about this prehistoric world.

The museum features ten galleries, and the first (Cretaceous Alberta) is brilliantly executed in a way that sets the stage and builds anticipation for the rest of your exploration of the 121,000 square feet of spectacular displays. It features an up close and personal meeting with our very own local cousin of the T. Rex, the enormous top-of-the-food chain predator; Albertosaurus.

  In Cretaceous Alberta "objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear..."

After you leave the “you are there” realism of the first gallery, we visit a well presented historical retrospective of the museum's development and the astounding and significant finds from the region.

One of the most important T. Rex skeletons ever found.

While there are some special exhibits (like the T. Rex shown above) that will change from time to time, there will be a similar gallery to gallery flow for future visitors. That flow is not random, and the thoughtful arrangement adds to the pleasure of exploring the museum.

Truly impressive Triceratops skull.

We next get a look into the working “Preparations Lab” where you can see real work being done on the remains of these long dead creatures. If you've ever imagined yourself on your knees in the field as an archaeologist, scraping at an exposed dinosaur leg bone and then brushing away the sand with a fine paintbrush, the preparations lab will give you a look at how it really happens.

The Preparations Lab, where the real work takes place.

The next gallery, the “Lords of the Land” is in some ways the most beautiful and moving of them all. Here dinosaur bones are raised to the level of art, and are presented as such. This dark and beautiful room presents the displays as if they were sculptures or paintings, sometimes complete with frames. Here you will see a graceful and beautiful Velociraptor that is literally “put up on a pedestal,” and while beautiful, you'll be glad that nobody has actually cloned them back to life as explored in “Jurassic Park.” (A nice creature to visit, but I wouldn't want them to live here.)

The beautifully displayed remains of Velociraptor are raised to the level of art.

The gallery's centerpiece is J.B. Tyrrell's initial big find, the Albertosaurus, and the gorgeous “Black Beauty,” a rare black colored skull of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. (Note to geneticists: If you ever really do develop the ability to re-introduce these things...DON'T!)

Tyrrell's "big" find - Albertosaurus.

Heading up the ramp to the second level, we move on to the “Burgess Shale” where we see an ingenious “all around you” depiction of the bizarre and almost alien creatures that lived in the area of the Canadian Rocky Mountains more than 500 million years ago. While generally fist-sized in their real lives, here we see them as many times that size in order to let us feel as if we are swimming among them in an ancient otherworldly sea. Even the floor is glass so we see the animals below us as if we were floating in the water above them.

The bizarre creatures of the "Burgess Shale" gallery. Hmm...maybe with a little garlic butter?

A wonderful surprise to us was the small but beautifully crafted “Devonian Reef.” More a display than a gallery, it offers us a look at the underwater world of the Devonian period when the badlands of today were covered by an enormous tropical sea. Using a “dry for wet” technique, we get the benefit of seeing a most realistic presentation without any of the peskiness of having to deal with any actual water.

The "Devonian Reef" display is a realistic underwater scene.

Scuba divers will note that the changes in the creatures that inhabit our world's reefs over the eons have been much less dramatic than those on land. They will also note that the museum did a good job of depicting what the surface of the ocean looks like when you're below it.

Prehistoric calamari.

Small, but important, the "Terrestrial Paleozoic" gallery then takes you “...through over 200 million years in ten paces.” Covering the period during which life was moving out of the ocean and onto dry land, this part of Earth's past boasted dragonflies the size of actual dragons. (Well, not quite, but their wingspans were more than 2 feet).

A dragonfly the size of an eagle.

Here a happy childhood memory was crushed when I learned that one of my favorite dinosaurs, the sail-backed Dimetrodon wasn't even really a dinosaur at all, but a “mammal-like reptile.” However, without this guy, we might not have our dogs and cats today, as Dimetrodon and his like gave rise to modern mammals. I wonder if it barked?

Dimetrodon's "sail" may have been for body temperature regulation - a combination solar panel & radiator.

The next gallery, “Triassic Giant” offers the museum visitor a unique opportunity to walk around the remains of a truly enormous sea creature from our past, an Ichthyosaur (properly known as “Shonisaurus Sikanniensis”). Measuring 69 feet (21 meters) in length, the portion of the fossilized remains that were recovered are laid out on the floor atop a painted black outline of the original size and shape of the living creature.

This is how the "Triassic Giant" looked when it was still swimming around.

This is the largest known marine reptile to have existed, and like the baleen whales of today, was a filter feeder. There is something about this cleverly designed room that underscores the true sense of scale when viewing this fossil that other galleries and displays do not. Despite its apparent simplicity it was a most memorable part of our visit.

The gallery provides a real sense of scale for the viewer.

Easily missed near the exit to the “Triassic Giant” gallery is the entrance to a beautiful and restful tour through the “Cretaceous Garden.” A greenhouse of sorts, the garden features what is billed as “Canada's largest collection of prehistoric plant relatives.” This provides the viewer with an opportunity to imagine the desert-like landscape that surrounds the museum today as the lush, tropical, shallow sea and marshland that existed when the fossils showcased at Tyrrell lived and breathed. Even the pest control is all natural here, employing toads, salamanders, and ladybugs instead of ten-syllable chemicals. Don't miss this warm and humid walk through the past, especially if you're visiting during a cold time of year.

A "relative" of a prehistoric flower.

The spectacular "Dinosaur Hall" is still...well....spectacular, and in some ways remains the central display area of the museum. The Hall lets the visitor place him or herself into the world of the dinosaur, at least for a while, and I'm glad that we never really co-existed, Hollywood “evidence” notwithstanding.

A "before and after" style display is common in the Dinosaur Hall.

The feel of the room is starting to show its age, and it now has a nostalgic vibe that hearkens back to our childhood schoolroom ideas about what dinosaurs were all about. Back then, we kids stood on firm ground with what we “knew” about them (like my Dimetrodon) and nobody could have shaken us from our confidence that there really was such a thing as a “Brontosaurus.” I was heartbroken when we were later told that it was really just an Apatosaurus all along. But hold on! Paleontologists have recently decided that our beloved childhood swamp-plant-muncher really was a distinct creature after all. Yay Brontosaurus! (I know how Pluto must have felt when it got demoted to “dwarf-planet” status...but I think they really prefer to be called “little-planets” these days. Maybe it will make a comeback as a real planet too).

The guest can study these specimens very closely.

Nestled in the center of Dinosaur Hall is the dark and beautiful “Marine Hall.” In this gallery, the skeletons of enormous sea creatures cavort and swirl around us and overhead in a display that cleverly gives a sense of being undersea and at the very center of the action. Sort of like what a diver feels in a swirling mass of reef fish, but if the fish were all twenty feet long and had teeth like crocodiles.

"We need a bigger boat..."

Now we had back toward the present day as we enter the “Ice Age.” Here, despite the Arctic setting, the creatures are more familiar, looking more like alternate reality versions of elephants, bison, and cougars. Familiar or not, I'm glad that it's a deer that we risk hitting on the highway these days instead of a ten foot tall, 8 ton, woolly mammoth.

If those cats pull this off...they'll eat like kings!

Our final stop before returning to the present is “Mammal Hall.” While mammals actually developed right alongside dinosaurs, they were mostly small creatures (and really scared...ALL the time) until dinosaurs met their still somewhat mysterious demise. With the ecological niche cleared by the absence of all those twenty-five foot tall meat eating monsters, mammals had a chance to get bigger...much bigger. Our own early ancestors were probably pretty happy to have access to a herd of slow, docile, plant eaters from which they could obtain a decent steak.

I'm bettin' there'd be a few good roasts on that guy...just sayin'...

Finally, inevitably, we complete our journey through the incredible history of our planet in the time honored fashion that has itself been passed down through the ages as we “exit through the gift shop.” If you can't find an appealing souvenir widget or thing-a-ma-bob in here to put on your desk or hang from your rear-view mirror, it's really your own fault. Beware those of you that bring small children. This place is chock-a-block with plastic toy dinosaurs of every shape, size, and type, so make sure you have plenty of room on your credit card. As for me...hmmm...I like those speckled blue “Tyrrell Logo” bistro style coffee mugs...and we really ought to have some little memento...”Vicky!...Honey!...What do you you think of these?...”


Fox & Vicky

Under The Big Top

Did I mention that we're scuba divers? If you dive, then you've either already been to the reefs of Cozumel, Mexico, or you're planning on going one day...and with good reason. Vicky and I lived there for quite a while, and it was the diving that drew us. Here's a piece I wrote then that touches on my feelings regarding what must be one of the world's very finest examples of Nature's work...

This is my favorite time. I'm sitting on the side of a friend and dive-master's boat, above the reef called Punta Dalila. My tank is hanging over the edge, supported by the straps on the back of my equipment. I know it’s only gravity pulling it toward the water but it feels like much more. A while ago, we had a dive where nothing seemed to go smoothly. Afterwards, while waiting to be picked up, the dive-master apologized and said, "The reef just didn't want us here today". This day is different. The reef does want us here this time, and my tank just knows it. It tugs at my shoulders impatiently, the way an eager boy might tug at his father’s pant leg, as if to say, “Come on, let’s go! We’re gonna miss it!" The author Dave Barry once wrote, "Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent.” Well, the circus is about to start. I watch the captain, waiting for his signal; usually a brisk nod and a hurried "go!" Soon it's my turn; everyone is clear, and I get the nod. I give in to the tank’s eager tugging and feel myself roll backwards. This is the moment. This tiny free-fall that marks the beginning of another hour spent in a world most people will never see. My tank hits the water first, and pulls me under quickly in a swirling explosion of bubbles that is the curtain going up. During training, an instructor said I would see things so beautiful while diving that I would want to cry. His words come to mind once again as the bubbles clear, and I see it's not just any circus today; it's a Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey three-ring extravaganza. I'm in the middle of a hundred or more Creole Wrasse, looking like cobalt blue torpedoes flying in every direction. "Laydeeeez and Gentlemen, high above the center ring, it's the Flying Creole Brothers…" I hustle to rig the lights on my video camera and clear the bubbles from the lens. I don't want to miss any of this. 

French Grunts On The Reef - Cozumel, Mexico

I live here and this is my Cozumel. Before I moved here I managed a couple of telecommunications stores where we tried to convince people that a cellular phone, or pager, or some other electronic gadget would make their lives better. Every day I did that emptied me out a little bit more, and took me a little farther from the real sources of happiness life has to offer. Now I dive, write, shoot photographs and video, and spend my time trying, as Gordon Downie puts it, "… to do one true, beautiful thing." I don't have a car -- they're not needed here -- a bicycle will do, or a taxi in a pinch. I have no phone line -- though I do have a cell phone -- but it's a servant now, not a master. No Internet connection, and consequently no life-sucking surfing to eat up the hours. An occasional trip to the Internet cafe to check for e-mails from friends and family is more than enough. No television either -- at least no television signal -- though I do have a TV and DVD player to watch rented movies now and again. All of these things are available here, but something about Cozumel made me recognize they don't really matter. I thought I might waste away without them, but exactly the opposite occurred; I woke up.

Yellow-Line Arrow Crab In Vase Sponge - Cozumel, Mexico

Descending below the Wrasse, I see the second act is starting their performance. Dozens of Sergeant Majors, the official models for reef photographers everywhere, are decorating the reef with their black and yellow stripes like self-propelled Christmas tree ornaments. Now it’s countless Blue Tangs, swirling together with a surprisingly large group of Ocean Triggerfish (normally seen alone or in pairs). A crop of Garden Eels disappears into the sand like retractable blades of grass as we approach. Like the first time, like every time, I'm awestruck. I think of this as "The Riot of Life," where the interaction of different life forms is played out like a Technicolor ballet right before your eyes. The reef makes it so obvious each creature depends on another for its survival. I shoot as much tape as I can, but the current is really flying today, so we don't have long to enjoy these opening performances. We go deeper into the warm, blue waters of the Caribbean, our world compressed now, focused, and extending only to the limits of visibility.

Queen Angel Fish - Cozumel, Mexico

The hands of the clock don't move any slower here, they just don't matter. If you're married to the idea of firm schedules and on-time performance, you'd better stick to Cozumel as a tourist destination. Living here requires a more relaxed attitude than I was accustomed to back home. At first, I had trouble accepting the offhand manner in which people would fail to keep appointments - and promises. Later however, I saw it for what it was, a part of a simpler and less rigid view of our place in the world. There was an electrical problem in the house we are renting that took almost two weeks to get fixed. Once upon a time, that would have really bothered me. Now it's an accepted part of a more relaxed rhythm of life, swimming with the current, and not against it.

Anemone - Cozumel, Mexico

It's a good day for flying. Our group is blowing through the water, propelled by the high current, with the reef slipping by a few feet beneath us. This always looks so cool in person, but I know from experience that it looks terrible on videotape. I decide to just relax and enjoy it, so I let the camera dangle on its lanyard, and stick my arms out like the wings of an airplane. (I know it doesn't really do anything, but somehow it feels more like flying this way). My dive partner notices an enormous Nurse Shark lying under an outcropping of reef. Usually, they have their heads in a hole with only their tails sticking out, and consequently don't photograph very well. This one is lying curved in a "C" shape with its head looking out from the reef. For this shot, I guess I'll just have to swim against the current a little bit. Kicking like crazy to hold position, I move closer and closer to the shark, finally bringing the camera within eighteen inches of its snout. I concentrate on composing the shot and holding the camera steady, but I can't help wondering if today is the day that things will go horribly wrong. However, the shark is accommodating, and remains still as we let the current pull us away to continue our flight.

Squirrel Fish - Cozumel, Mexico

I always thought a big income meant certain happiness. Everything around me seemed to indicate that money was the key to enjoying life. The time I spent in the telecommunications industry was like winning a small lottery. They were dumping money on me with a front-end loader, yet I was miserable. It didn't make any sense to me. So I spent most of that money diving in expensive places, trying to find the happiness I was supposed to have. It was in Fiji, while staying at a thousand dollar a day resort that I first realized money and happiness have nothing to do with each other. We visited a traditional village of two hundred people on a neighboring island. Their lives had not changed significantly in hundreds of years (except they now had motors on their boats). By the standards set in North America, these people had nothing, yet they were indeed the happiest people I had ever seen. Later, back in our room, I couldn't help but wonder if being happy for three weeks out of every year was really good enough. This was the beginning of a new path for me, or at least a fork in the road. I don't have much money now, but…

Brittle Star On Coral (During Night Dive) - Cozumel, Mexico

I've still got a thousand PSI of air in my tank. This is the second dive though, and the computer says I've had the recommended daily dose of nitrogen. It used to be I ran out of air long before nitrogen was a problem, but not any more. Slowly, I rise to safety-stop depth and begin the five minute wait to ascend. The reef is too far away to videotape now, so I shut down the camera and drift with the current. It’s not as exhilarating, but this "high-altitude flight” over the reef is equally beautiful. This is a quiet time with few challenges, a time to reflect. It's been a good day, and maybe I got some nice tape. I hope the shark footage comes out well. Now, very slowly to the surface, turning, watching for boats, my hand, arm, and finally head, break into the sunlight. I'm back outside the circus tent, smiling at my friend the dive-master a few feet away. I thank him for presiding over yet another beautiful experience. He says, "You're welcome, but it was the reef; it wanted us here today."

...I'm happy.

Fox & Vicky

The Happiest Place On Earth! - IF You Know What You're Doing

My Mom first visited Disneyland when she was 7 months pregnant with me. You know how they say that babies can hear you talking to them, or benefit from hearing music while still in the womb? Well I think that somehow her excitement and wonder at visiting Walt Disney's park back when he was still alive somehow got into my system. Maybe I even heard it all for myself in her belly...and I'm only half joking here. I just LOVE being there, and it's one of our favorite travel destinations for many reasons.

Main Street Station - At The Entrance To Disneyland, Anaheim, California

I'm sorry to admit that I went about it all in the worst possible way when Vicky and I first started to visit "The Park" as a couple. (When you're there, you'll never hear anybody that really knows the ropes say, "We're going to Disneyland today", and instead they'll say, "We're going to The Park", and they say it in capitals). I felt that I already knew all there was to know about Disneyland, since I'd been going there since I was very young. We had family that lived in Anaheim at the time, so going to Disneyland was just a natural for us in the 60's.

The Setting California Sun Bathes The Spires Of Sleeping Beauty's Castle

Our early trips as an adult couple were brief, and I insisted on doing EVERYTHING, and I had to do the really good stuff twice. I was a Disneyland Commando. This drove Vicky crazy, and I often got her up at 5 AM to be at The Park well before opening time so that we could be nearly first in line. Then I marched the poor girl around the place for 14 hours a day like a drill sergeant, often with a detailed "touring plan" in hand that specified the most efficient order in which to do things. This got a lot done in the time available, but it was physically grueling, and we needed a vacation when we got home from our vacation....and Vicky hated my guts.

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party - A Disneyland Staple Since 1955

But if fifty years of repeat visits to The Park have taught me anything, it's that Disneyland is meant to be sipped, not guzzled. If at all possible, the best experiences are to be had with longer visits. Two weeks is what we prefer these days, and given the overwhelming number of entertainment and dining options now available, I could stay even longer.

The Riverboat "Mark Twain"

If you must visit Disneyland on a tight schedule (3 to 5 days) then do yourself a huge favor and buy a copy of Bob Sehlinger's indispensable book, "The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland" before you go. While you might find yourself being a bit of a Disneyland Commando, the author's brilliantly conceived and efficient "touring plans" will give you a real shot at experiencing all the best offerings of the resort, even on a short visit.

The "King Arthur Carrousel" - Perhaps The Finest Still In Existence Today

Don't forget to take your camera. Disneyland is one of the most photographed places in the world, and for good reason. It presents an amazing bounty of great opportunities for both casual and serious photographers to explore their creativity. Having enough time to stop and smell the roses, and then take pictures of them, is perhaps one of the greatest rewards that come with the luxury of longer stays. The experienced visitor will often find themselves absorbed more by the rich detail and subtle beauty of their surroundings, than they are by the admittedly astounding attractions that Disneyland is known for.

R2D2 Rides Shotgun On Your Star Tours Adventure

Even the food at Disneyland is a draw these days, and for those that know the history of The Park, that is a kind of miracle. Up until the last few years, there was very little to recommend eating in Disneyland at all. You were better off at the Denny's on Harbor Blvd. across the street from the main entrance. This was always a great mystery to me; how could Disneyland possibly be so good at everything else, and be so bad at preparing food?

The Beautiful "Court Of Angels" In New Orleans Square - Sadly Now Closed To The Public

Apparently serving mediocre food for half a century or so was their limit, and suddenly, amazingly, gloriously, that all changed. Now there are so many great places to eat that it's nearly impossible to hit them all, even in a two week visit and eating exclusively at Disney restaurants. In fact, the great food offerings are so numerous that they'll need to be explored in detail in future posts.

Castle Reflections

It's been said that, "Walt built Disneyland because he wanted one", and while he may have been beaten to the punch by Knott's Berry Farm, and Santa's Village, Disneyland really defined the final form of the new entertainment venue that came to be known as the theme park. I'm confident that it remains the premiere destination for theme park fans today because it was the only one that Walt ever actually set foot in, and it bears the unmistakable touch of his creative hand.

The World Famous "Jungle Cruise" - Featuring The "Backside Of Water"

Many make the error of thinking that it's somehow a place meant only for children, and that adults just endure it for their kid's sake. But the opposite is really true, and it's much more a playground for adults than children.

Check Your Adulthood At The Door Please

When queried, the 5 to 7 year old set respond that the best part of their trip to Disneyland was the swimming pool at the hotel. Nothing could more clearly illustrate the need to wait until your kids possess both the maturity and the stamina to enjoy The Park for what it really is - a place to cast off the mantle of reality, and revel in the suspension of disbelief. It may well be the greatest example of virtual reality ever conceived, and it's adults that need this place to rediscover the lost art of "play", not children; they haven't lost it yet.

Fox & Vicky

How To Rescue A Blown-Out Flip Flop

Today we'll add a new item to your growing save-a-trip kit, and at the same time make good on our earlier promise to show you a handy trick to fix a blown-out flip flop.

A simple plastic bread bag tab will temporarily get a broken flip-flop back into service so you can finish your day in peace at the beach or pool without having to run out and buy another pair.

Small item - Big save

Usually the problem happens when one of the rubber plugs that attach the straps to the sole of the shoe tears through the bottom.

Nothing to it.

Simply snapping the bread bag tab over the rubber plug in question will keep it from pulling through again.

Back in business!

Throw a few of these into your plastic zipper bag with your other save-a-trip items. Have fun, and remember that, "good trips happen before you leave".

Fox & Vicky

We Meant It When We Said NO Videotaping!

I've always had a problem with following rules, and during a trip to Las Vegas back in 1998 I managed to remind Vicky of that particular failing.  While there, we were bombarded by ads for a new attraction at the Hilton Hotel & Casino called "The Star Trek Experience”, which promised to whisk visitors away aboard the Star Ship Enterprise on an "intergalactic adventure". The TV ads featured gleeful visitors lurching back and forth aboard a flight simulator. Having ridden flight simulators at Disneyland, I thought their advertising claims seemed a little overblown, but I was inclined to try out the Star Trek Experience just the same, as I'm kind of a fan.

I should make it clear that I'm not one of those people who dress up in “Spock ears” and goes to conventions. I do however have the titles of all 79 original episodes from the '60’s committed to memory, which probably puts me a little farther up the Star Trek geek ladder than I care to admit.

We arrived at the attraction to find ourselves on the "Promenade of Deep Space 9," which in reality was the shopping and restaurant area. Since Vicky has something of a weak constitution when it comes to roller coaster type rides, she intended to sit this one out. I settled her in Quark's Bar to sample the intergalactic food and drink while I went off to buy my ticket and ride the simulator. It turned out that "intergalactic" food and drink consisted of Quark Burgers and fries with Romulan Ale (which was probably light beer with blue food coloring).

I discovered to my shock that the price of admission was $15. This struck me (at the time) as an outrageous amount of money to pay for a five-minute simulator ride; but we'd come this far now. I bought my ticket, and entered through a well decorated pre-show area that featured all sorts of large models and props from the Star Trek television shows and movies. The next part of the attraction was a long, walk-through museum, full of artifacts and costumes.

I was carrying my video camera in case there was anything of interest that I wanted to tape. Warning signs were posted all around saying that videotaping was OK in the museum area, but would not be allowed after entering the simulator portion of the attraction. The museum was huge and arranged as if it were an actual historical repository of items from the Star Trek universe. This was already taking much longer than I had expected, and I was mindful of the fact that Vicky was still waiting in the bar. Consequently, I hurried through most of the museum that displayed items from the more recent years of Star Trek..

Eventually visitors came to a turnstile that admitted them to the simulator waiting area. Here, a security guard gave stern warnings regarding the prohibition on videotaping and photographing anything beyond that point. I turned off my camera, hung it over my shoulder, and followed directions regarding where to line up in preparation for the simulator ride.

The waiting area for the simulator was exactly like those I'd seen before in Disneyland: a small waiting room with yellow lines painted on the floor to indicate where people should form rows in front of each of the several doors that would admit riders to the simulator. Also, just like Disneyland, television screens were arranged above each door which we were told to watch for important safety information. Soon the usual safety video started to play, which stressed the importance of properly fastening your seat belts and warned those with heart, stroke, or back problems to reconsider.

Part way through the safety video, the image became faulty and the video stopped. The two staff members present said there was probably a technical difficulty, and they hoped the delay would not be too long. The employees were clearly uncomfortable, and did their best to kill time by asking where people were from, and by telling a few jokes. Shortly, a man wearing a headset and looking like a member of the technical staff poked his head out of a door adjacent to the waiting area to tell us they needed to reset the simulator. He said that they would unload the people currently on the ride and try to get our group aboard. There were groans from some of the less patient among us, and someone even ventured to say this was a rip-off.

By this time, Vicky had already been waiting quite a while. I resolved to take a deep breath and tough it out, but I was hoping that the simulator ride would be over soon. After a few minutes, the safety video began to play again, and we all dutifully watched the monitors once more. However, once again the video faltered, and one of the staff members said, "Not again" in a dejected tone, as if this was an all too common occurrence.

This time though -- something entirely different happened...

The lights went out, a powerful blast of wind blew through the waiting area, and then bright lights flashed all around us. There was a moment of complete darkness, and then to my amazement, the lights came on to reveal that we were no longer in the simulator waiting area. We were instead standing on the transporter platform of the Star Ship Enterprise. The doors of the simulator, the TV monitors, the very walls around us, and even the ceiling, had vanished. The transporter operator, an actor in a Star Trek uniform, suggested that we all remain calm and informed us that we had been brought to the 24th century through some type of time travel. Another crewman appeared and asked that we follow him to the bridge, so that we could be told of the strange circumstances surrounding our presence in the future.

Our group stepped off the transporter platform and followed the crewman out into the corridor. This was no cheap operation; but a highly sophisticated "set" of the sort used on movie sound stages. Even more sophisticated really, because all the walls and ceilings were complete, creating the illusion that we were actually on board the Enterprise. Lighting effects were everywhere, klaxons blared, and actors and actresses in Star Trek uniforms bustled through the hallways, clearly in the throes of a crisis. There were no more groans, or suggestions that this was not what it had been cracked-up to be.

Realizing now that this attraction was far greater in scope than I had originally believed, I was wishing wholeheartedly that Vicky had come along to see all of this. So, despite all the warnings, I cradled my video camera under my left arm in what I hoped was an inconspicuous fashion, and turned it on...

This turned out to be a grave mistake.

After a short walk down the corridor, we were herded into a "turbo-lift," or elevator, and taken to the bridge. As I stepped onto the bridge, one of the actors dressed as an Enterprise crewman spoke to me as I walked past him.  He told me that if I didn't turn off my camera immediately, it would be confiscated. His demeanor was so stern that I decided to take him seriously and did as I was told.

Actor Jonathan Frakes, appearing on a screen in the role of Commander Riker, informed our group that one of us was an ancestor of Capt. Jean Luc Picard. He explained that we had been brought here to protect this person from an evil Klingon commander, who was bent on destroying Capt. Picard by killing his ancestor. We were further informed that our group must get to the shuttle-bay immediately, so that we could board a shuttlecraft and escape the Klingon attack, thereby saving the day.

We walked through more spectacular sets on the way to the shuttle-bay where we took our position preparing to board the real simulator. Once again, a staff member appeared and spoke to me, reminding me not to videotape anything else. By this time I was realizing that my infraction was being taken very seriously. Eventually we were allowed to board the simulator after what seemed like an extraordinarily long delay. I suspected that I might have been at the root of this delay, and as we sat waiting for the simulator ride to begin, I thought that I probably wouldn't be getting out of this easily.

Finally, the simulator started and took us on the sort of spectacular roller-coaster type ride that I had experienced elsewhere. The simulator dove and turned to escape the attacking Klingon vessel, and finally flew through a "worm-hole," to emerge above present day Las Vegas for a wild chase through a night sky filled with hotel towers and bright lights. Ultimately, the Enterprise arrived at the last minute to destroy the Klingon vessel and save the shuttlecraft and its passengers, including the unknown ancestor of Capt. Picard.

When the simulator came to a halt, and the doors opened, we saw not the interior of the Enterprise where we had boarded, but the basement storage area of the present-day Hilton hotel.  Actors, posing as confused cleaning staff, asked us what we were doing there, and suggested that we move along quickly as we weren't allowed in this area.  As I stepped from the simulator with the rest of the people, hoping that I might sneak out unnoticed, I saw two armed security guards waiting for me.  Now I was certain this wasn't going to end well.

They approached and asked me to step aside so they could have a word with me about my photographic activities. Realizing they were not treating this lightly, I tried to be as jovial as possible while confessing that I had in fact attempted to videotape some of the attraction. I told the security guards I had only videotaped for a few seconds before being caught by the man on the bridge. They demanded to see the videotape, and that I erase it immediately. Under the circumstances, I was happy to oblige; but there was a small problem with that...

My video camera had an automatic lens-cover, sort of a flat sliding door with a complicated mechanism. It had been acting up through the whole trip, refusing to open when I needed to videotape something. Naturally it chose this particular moment to die completely. This left me fumbling ineffectively with the switch on the camera, getting more panic-stricken by the minute. The more I fiddled with the camera, the more it must have appeared to the guards that I was trying to avoid erasing the tape. In my nervousness, I made some smart remark about ending up in a shallow grave in the desert, which they didn't think was very funny at all. Finally, I was able to get the camera working so that I could tape over the offending segment.

By now the two guards had relaxed a bit, having no doubt decided that I was a harmless tourist, so I suggested that since I had to tape something, I might as well tape them. As I aimed the camera at the younger of the two guards and started recording, I joked that they probably did this a lot, to which the guard replied; "Yeah, but at least you speak English." I then suggested that Paramount (the producers of the attraction) really played hardball, and that this sort of thing didn't happen at Disneyland. The older guard replied, "We don't like to give our stuff away." As I swung the camera towards him, he clearly thought better of this whole, videotaping the guards idea, and turned his face away so as to be less recognizable.

After running the camera long enough to assure that I had taped over the section in question, I rewound the tape and played it for the guards so that they could see that no contraband images remained. Satisfied that I had escaped with no sensitive state secrets, they let me go.

Let's pause for a moment to remember Vicky sitting upstairs waiting for me. I'd been gone for about an hour and a half now, and for the last 30 minutes or so there had been a disturbing amount of activity involving security guards hustling to and fro. Her situation reminds me of an episode of  “The Simpsons,” in which Bart is leading an uprising at Kamp Krusty. His father Homer is watching a television news report about the revolt and starts chanting to himself, "Please don't let it be the boy, please don't let it be the boy." Immediately, the television displays an image of Bart leading the revolutionaries, prompting a "Doh!" from Homer. I imagined my wife, her Quark Burger and Romulan Ale long forgotten, watching security guards rush about and thinking to herself, "Please don't let it be him, please don't let it be him."

We'll return now to the basement where the security guards have just let me go. I started towards the elevator, and to my horror, I saw that they had kept the entire group waiting in the elevator while I joked with the security guards and struggled to comply with their demands. This had been no short span of time. I would have given anything to say, "You folks just go on ahead, I'll catch the next elevator.”  But this was not to be, and I had to get into that tightly packed space, full of very angry people, for what was the longest elevator ride of my life.

As I stepped off the elevator onto the Promenade, I saw Vicky approaching me with a questioning look on her face. I answered this by saying, "We have to leave...Now." Standing nearby was a security guard, who spoke into the microphone at his shoulder as we passed by, as if reporting our whereabouts. As we headed towards the exit, I answered Vicky's questions about what was going on with, "I'll tell you later." We passed yet another security guard in the hallway, and a third at the exit doors to the parking lot. Each spoke into their microphone as we passed, no doubt confirming that we were leaving the premises immediately. I was left with no doubt about their feelings toward me.

I was excited after what had happened, and spilled my story out to Vicky as we drove to a nearby restaurant. We found a table, ordered drinks and food, and she told me of her efforts to determine my whereabouts when it seemed the ride was taking too long. The guards Vicky had spoken to denied there were any irregularities. This response really had her concerned, and she wondered if I was indeed headed for a “shallow grave in the desert.” Soon our meals arrived, and we ate two delicious grilled steaks washed down with cold beer. I finally relaxed, as Vicky shook her head at my latest run-in with authority; my own version of the Star Trek Experience.

Fox & Vicky

Post Script: For those of you that are interested, here's a link to a grainy old-style video of the Star Trek Experience from YouTube that was shot by someone better at escaping detection than I was. The attraction is now shuttered, but this will give you some idea of what it looked like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SziLQXNWCbQ

Thursday Night Rodeo & A Little BBQ

Come with us for a visit to the weekly rodeo at the Blue Moon Nightclub near Columbia Falls, Montana. It's almost 7 PM, and the crowd is gathering as they do every Thursday night during the summer. As we park, we see there's already a line to to pay the $10 price of admission. There's an even longer line at the hamburger shack and the beer vendor. Lets grab a couple of tall cans of beer and head over to the bleachers. We'll climb to the top for a good view, and take a seat in the warm, summer evening sun.

An idyllic scene sets the stage for the coming evening.

It's comforting to know that this Western way of life, with a tradition of horsemanship that stretches back well over a hundred years is still alive and well. Out here, nobody has forgotten that real life is all 3D, big screen, and high definition.

8 seconds must seem like a LONG time.

There's just no substitute for a small town rodeo. While it might lack the polish of the big leagues (like you might see at the finals of the Calgary Stampede) at least there's a real chance of getting some dirt kicked on you here, and you won't need any binoculars to see the action.

Horse and rider aren't always adversaries.

This isn't some huge sports stadium where the players are limited to a privileged few on multi-million dollar contracts. The competitors here are paying to compete. (See the difference there?) These men, women, boys, and girls are all here for the same thing; to test their mettle in challenges based on the real world skills that have put food on your table for generations.

Rider: "I'm stayin' on" - Horse: "No you're not"

Now let's crack that ice cold beer and settle in to watch a pageant unfold that hasn't changed to speak of for the better part of a century.

More than 2000 pounds of bull with all four hooves in the air!

We're reminded that both the riders and the animals here are considered to be athletes, and whether we see them perform in an event that places the two in concert, or in combat, it's a beautiful sight.

A pretty Barrel Racer pours it on in a tight turn.

I never cease to marvel at the almost unbelievable bravery demonstrated by the rodeo "clown" (at top right below, and anything but a clown) and we'll see him save more than one life tonight.

Uh-oh...that bull looks pretty pissed off....

The sun is getting low now, and its golden rays are turning the clouds of dust around the riders into halos of smoke and fire. The bulls look as if they've been ridden straight up out of the ground from Hell.

Devil Bull

It's over almost before we know it, and the riders and stock will soon be off to the next town, and the next rodeo, risking their lives again to chase that perfect 8 second ride in the warm, summer sun.

While you're in the neighborhood, don't miss your chance to visit the Back Room of the Nite Owl in Columbia Falls for some of the best BBQ you've ever had. It's probably wise to go for dinner before the rodeo though, since they close at 9 PM. And if you're not keen on waiting in a line that stretches out the door, down the stairs, and into the parking lot, then you'd best show up before 5 PM. Word is out about this place, and it's always jam packed with rib lovers.

Nothin' fancy...the focus is on the food.

The restaurant has a folksy, country-kitchen atmosphere and looks like it's been that way for a long time. The ceiling is studded with playing cards (The Back Room - get it?) bearing the signatures of past patrons.

How'd they get 'em up there?

We suggest that you save time and skip browsing the menu. Just order the "Country Ribs" (Trust us on this one). The ribs are nearly boneless pieces of tender, juicy, slow roasted, pork that almost melt in your mouth. (They cook 800 lbs a day!)

It's best to arrive hungry and Thirsty.

They're served with a sauce that's tasty without being overpowering, and come with all the trimmings: baby red potatoes, cole slaw, baked beans and a big piece of fry bread. You'll find a squeeze bottle of honey on the table to anoint the fry bread to sweet perfection. If you leave the Back Room hungry, it's your fault. You'll likely want a cold beverage to wash it all down, and our suggestion is a jug of Bitter Root Brewery's "Nut Brown Ale". This cola colored, local craft brew has the bold taste that you'll need to stand up to the smoky BBQ. Look for notes of coffee, roasted malts, and chocolate in this flavorful beer that's reminiscent of a Porter.

Fox & Vicky